If I had a journal, this is what I would write. 

I feel like I have all these memories of Henry that I always want to write posts about but never have the time or energy to get it all down. So I decided to just jot down a few sentences to at least remember them by. And it doesn’t hurt to use the blog every once in a while, right?
I remember the moment they laid Henry on me when he was born. He didn’t cry. His eyes were wide open and he was staring right at me as if to say “hi, I know you”. 
I remember when Henry was a week old and he seriously would not sleep unless he was held. I would stay up all night, holding him in the rocking chair watching Gilmore Girls and nursing him to sleep when he woke up. He fit perfectly in my lap, like a little cherub. He randomly fell asleep in my lap while we were in the rocking chair the other day and I noticed his legs and head hung over the side. 
I remember the smell of his head his first week of life. It’s a smell that could never be explained or recreated. It was beautiful and I found myself smelling him constantly. 
I remember the first time Henry laughed. We had just moved into our new place and Alex was playing with him in our new bedroom. He kept letting out this little giggle. We were so excited! 
I remember the first time I went anywhere alone with him. I wrapped him up at four weeks and walked to the pharmacy to get Alex a Valentine’s Day card. Henry fell asleep so I decided to also grab lunch at Laughing Planet. While I waited on my food and Henry napped, a lady told me about her two older kids and how she couldn’t even remember them that small. I remember looking down at Henry, all little and new and thinking “what?! No! How could you not remember this?!” And now I totally get it. Of course i remember the moment but it’s hard to envision his tiny little body on me. 
I remember his determination. Henry has wanted to move/crawl/sit/ANYTHING since he was born and he was always cranky because he could never figure out how to do these things. He would cry and fight and lock his legs to show some difiance. So each step – rolling to sitting. Sitting to crawling. Crawling to pulling up. They bring him so much joy! 
I remember trying to bicycle your legs in the middle of the night when you were so fussy it HAD to be gas, right? Your knees used to barely touch your stomach when I would bend them and now they are closer to your shoulders.
I remember right now. I’m sandwiched between Alex and Henry. My one arm resting on Alex’s chest and I can feel his breath on my skin. Henry’s leg and arm are on my stomach and I can feel his body move with each breath. I’m hot, but we’re all sharing a blanket and there’s not much I can do but just accept it. It’s peaceful. It’s perfect. It’s nothing and everything all rolled into one. The three of us, in this bed. Just like we have been since day one(but let’s be honest we’ve upgraded to a king size bed because have you seen the size of my son?!) and just like we will be tomorrow and the day after that. 
My baby boy. My strong willed little ham. Smiles at everyone he sees. Blows raspberrys constantly. Kicks his feet with such a purpose. Touches,scratches, hits and grabs EVERYTHING. Pulls back when I’m holding him to hold my face and smiles. Starts laughing when mommy and daddy kiss. Wants everything in his mouth. Still doesn’t care for the car seat. Loves being outside and watching the sunlight through the trees. Is a thinker. Henry, I’m so in love with you and it grows and grows every second. I love watching you learn and get bigger. You are pure joy and all the good things. You make me want to be a better person and see the world with a new perspective. I am so honored to be your mom. I love hearing you giggle when you play with your toys and that gasp you make when you catch my eye from across the room. You are magical and I love every single day with you. 

Remembering right now. 

I just snuck down stairs. I tip toed across the floor and made sure to jump over the one step that creaks. I poured myself a glass of water and sat on the couch. Deep breath. Alex is working late so all day It’s just been me. I look around and assess the millions of things I could do. Dirty dishes, laundry, some beans on the floor from when I ate dinner standing up while wearing you earlier. But I’m not doing any of it. I’m just sitting. Thinking over our day, our week, our couple of months. 

Before I left the room I took a second to really take you in. Watch your chest go up and down. Your one arm over your head and the other reaching for me. Your head turned in my direction from when I was laying there just a minute earlier. The way you hold your lips when you sleep and how big you look. Weren’t you just born? But haven’t you also always been here?! I want to remember you right now because this is so fleeting and you’re so small.  

  
When you see me or Alex coming you get this little smirk on your face before busting out in a big smile. 

You can hold things so well and you’re sticking everything in your mouth. 

You’ve definitely started teething and your favorite thing to chew on is, of course, my fingers. 

You like to stand, A LOT.  Your favorite way is when when I hold your hands and you just bounce around smiling. It’s one of my favorite things. 

When you stand, you curl your toes under which looks awfully uncomfortable but you insist on doing it this way. 

You are always talking. You’ve started to scream out and you get a kick out of hearing yourself. Your favorite place to talk is looking out the window on your changing table. 

You just discovered breathing through your mouth and it’s the funniest thing. You always laugh when you do it and are so amused by this new thing you’ve discovered. 

You’re always watching everything. Every move I make, every light that gets turned on, every sound that happens. EVERYTHING. 

Sometimes when we’re nursing I’ll feel that you’ve let go and when I look down to see why you’re just looking up at my with this huge smile on your face. And just like that my heart is a puddle on the floor. 

You still hate sleeping alone. You will tolerate it for short times but you sleep much better in between Alex and I. If I try to scoot away in the night you scoot with me and lay right up against me. This might be annoying if you weren’t the cutest thing ever. 

You’ve started holding onto our clothes when we hold you and we can’t get enough of it. 

You are a big fan of daddy. Always smile when you see him and you sleep so well in his arms. 

Today you are three months old and four days. You are sweet and cuddly and all of the good things. You have the chubbiest cheeks and thighs and the most perfect baby rolls. Your head is starting to get more hair and you have the longest eyelashes I have ever seen. You are strong and persistent. You make me so happy and also so frustrated. You are the best thing I’ve ever done and I am honored that I get to call you my son. I am so proud to be your mom and I can’t wait to see what life is like with you from here on out. So far it’s been pretty damn amazing. 

  

Henry and Socks, BFF

I bought Socks for Henry when I was 35 weeks pregnant but I knew I wanted him long before that. I love the weekly documentation pictures with a stuffed animal to show how much your baby is growing and thought Socks would be the perfect fit for that. I also thought when Henry was a bit older he would have this durable, awesome little friend.   

About a week ago, Henry REALLY started noticing things. A loud bang in the hallway, someone sneezing, a bright light, and of course his own hands! Then, Socks the Fox.  

One day I laid Henry in his crib, where Socks currently resides. I left the room to throw a load of laundry in the washer and when I came back Henry had pulled Socks close and was laughing with him. He was holding him, sucking on his head and seriously having the best time. 

Now each day, for about thirty minutes I put Henry in his crib for some one on one time with Socks. It’s hilariously adorable and I finally remembered to snap some pictures. 

   

    

   

Maybe this will finally convince Henry to sleep in his crib. I can only hope!

Henry’s Birth Story

Everyone always has a plan when it comes to their child’s birth. Where you want it to be, who you want there, if you want drugs, what position you want to be in and a million and one other small details.

I had the perfect plan. All natural. Alex and I learned all the relaxation techniques, took the classes, watched the videos. The whole thing. We were as prepared as you can be for something you can’t prepare for.

But then, your body has other plans.

At 41 weeks pregnant I was going to the doctors twice a week. My cervix was still closed and I had high proteins in my urine which is making my doctor nervous. My blood pressure and blood work are still great but we decided we had to start working towards getting my cervix open and dilating so I can have my natural birth and cut back on my risks of induction.

My doctor decides the best thing for us to do is a cervix ripening gel. It has very little side effects, can’t hurt the baby and will hopefully bring on more steady contractions. I’m nervous but at this point I would prefer this over pitocin. I should definitely mention that I love my doctor. She was totally on board the entire time with natural birth and was extremely encouraging towards making that happen. I never for a second judged her instincts because I knew she wanted just as much as I did for us to have a natural birth.

Monday, January 12th we go to the Hospital to do our first gel. We have our bags packed and we excitedly talk about the possibility of me going into labor. Alex is even wearing the “baby being born” outfit he’s picked out.

When you do the gels, you and baby have to be monitored for two hours afterwards to make sure everything is okay. We watched tv, chatted with the nurse and although my contractions were picking up, we headed home afterwards.

After a night of inconsistent contractions my doctor was hopeful about how my body was responding to the gel and scheduled me for another one. So on Tuesday we re-packed our Hospital bags and went in for round two. Get the gel, watch tv, go home.

My contractions really picked up after the second one and I ended up tracking them all night thinking I was possibly going into labor. I had a doctors appointment Wednesday afternoon and my contractions were getting stronger. At the appointment I learned that I dilated to a one, but I was still not in labor and my doctor wanted me to do yet another gel on Thursday.

That night, my mom and sister flew in from Texas. It seemed like perfect timing since we were so close to meeting baby boy! It was also really nice to have them there during all my contractions and worrying.

At this point we were tired and starting to get discouraged. I was also really nervous I was headed toward medical interventions far worse then the gels. We reluctantly went in on Thursday for my 3rd and final gel.

I had had pretty consistent contractions for a week now and was getting very little sleep. After the 3rd gel my contractions were at an all time high and staying pretty consistent but we were still sent home.

My mom and sister had ran out so when we got home Alex decided to work on dinner. I went to sit on the couch as he chopped garlic when I realized I had to pee RIGHT NOW. When actually, my water had broke. I managed to make it to the bathroom but when I stood up realized it was a strange color and ended up calling the hospital when they told me I needed to come back.

It turns out since I was past due baby boy was already able to go to the bathroom and that’s what was in my water. Because of this I had to stay and couldn’t go home. I was also only dilated to a one which made me super nervous because with my water being broken it changes how long you can labor for. As long as I didn’t show any signs of fever we were fine, but we decided to not do any cervix checks until we absolutely had to to lessen our chances of infections.

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My contractions were extremely strong and painful after a couple of hours so I just paced around the room. Sitting or laying down was far too uncomfortable. I could sometimes get relief from bouncing on an exercise ball but as the night went on that also lost its appeal.

The nurse wanted me to try a bath around  11 pm to see if that would help. At this point my doctor stopped by to check on me. So while I was in the bath I had Alex, my nurse and my doctor all sitting in the bathroom with me. Which is a funny thought looking back on it. My doctor said I looked like I was doing great and it seemed like my contractions were moving closer together so she thought we would be having baby boy soon.

After that I got out of the tub and started my pacing again. We had the tv on for some distractions(it was ironically the friends episode where Anna Farris has her baby) as my contractions started getting stronger and more painful.

By three am, I was exhausted. I had pretty much been awake for four days having off and on contractions. At that point I just wanted to sit down and eat something but the pain was too unbearable when I did anything other than stand.

Feeling discouraged, I decided to have my cervix checked hoping I was at least past five centimeters. The nurse came in and gave me the worst new- 2 centimeters and the baby’s head was sideways so he was pushing more on my hip and not my cervix.

I had basically been having extremely painful contractions which weren’t even moving me towards labor. I hit my absolute lowest point here. I didn’t know what to do and the best option they were giving me was to lay on my side with this thing called a “peanut” placed between my legs to hopefully move the baby into the correct position. At this point I was terrified. I wanted to have my baby naturally so bad but it didn’t seem like I was going to be able to.

Alex and I spent the next hour or so really trying to figure out what to do. I knew I couldn’t lay on my side, I did a practice run and it didn’t go well. I knew if I kept going the way I had been a Cesarean was going to become more and more possible. After weighing our options with the nurse and waking my doctor up to ask her opinion, we decided to get the epidural and start pitocin. Everyone agreed that this was the best way for me to at least still have a vaginal delivery.

I felt really low. Like I had let myself down, let my baby down. I was absolutely terrified of an epidural and it didn’t help that I hated the guy that came in to place it. Looking back I may have just disliked him because of the giant needle he was shoving in my spine but who knows.

I can honestly say that was the worst part of labor. I had Alex and a nurse sitting in front of me while I leaned over a pillow. I just stared at Alex and tried not to think about the waiver I just signed that mentioned being paralyzed and death. Once the epidural was placed I laid on my side with the peanut while they started pitocin.

The epidural felt different than I was expecting it to. I could still feel my legs and even move them slightly. I tried getting some sleep after that.

The next few hours are kind of blurry. I mostly slept and would wake up occasionally for them to check my vitals and to switch sides. I was also shaking like crazy and was terrified to press the button that would give me more of the epidural. By the morning my contractions were really picking up but baby boys heart rate starting dropping when I had them.  At first me just switching which side I was laying on helped but when that stopped working we decided to stop the pitocin.

Luckily, my body continued laboring on its own. They told me afterwards that’s pretty rare and I was really lucky.  Even after stopping it, baby boys heart rate was still dropping with each contraction. I remember staring at the monitor next to me just hoping he was okay. Each time it dropped too low the nurse would rush in to turn me or try to get it back up. Alex, the nurse and I would just stare at the monitor together and all breathe a sigh of relief each time his heart rate came back up.

By one in the afternoon on Friday, the 16th, they decided to check and see where I was. I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing but my nurse wanted me to try and labor down instead. That basically means not pushing(even when you feel the need to) and just letting your body do the work. This was hard. Extremely hard. She wanted me to labor down for two hours and I remember just staring at the clock hoping they would go by quickly.

His heart rate was still dropping occasionally and my doctor really didn’t think I was going to be able to have a vaginal birth. Luckily my nurse was fighting for me and we were just keeping a really close eye on his heart rate. After about an hour I could feel him coming. I was starting to get scared he was going to start coming out without the nurse even in the room. He was handling me pushing really well and each time a contraction came I would push a little bit more.

After about an hour another nurse who came in and started setting up a table with all the things the doctor would need for birth. It was insane to see and think that I was so close to meeting Henry.

When the two hours were finally up she checked me again and baby boy had made his way down and she was okay with me starting to really push. I got all set up in the stir ups and grabbed Alex’s hand(which I was quickly told that although that was cute, I would be much better off holding my own legs and pulling with each push)  and with my first big, real push she could see the head. She was definitely not prepared for birth to happen that quickly and had to hurry up and call the doctor to come over.

With each contractions I held my legs as the nurse counted to ten and I pushed as hard as I could. The pressure is seriously so intense and I have never felt anything like it. The only thing that got me through it was really focusing on my nurses counting and after she would get to five, pushing harder than I even thought possible.  After about three pushes Alex told me he could see his head and I asked if he had hair, haha. The doctor was finally here and with the next push his head was out and we figured out why his heart rate was dropping. The cord was wrapped around his neck. Twice. The doctor had me hold off for a second so she could unwrap the cord. When I pushed again the nurse told me to look down and said he was coming. I remember seeing him come out and it’s honestly the craziest thing ever. With one more big push he was out!

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He was immediately placed on my chest for skin to skin and covered in blankets. I remember his eyes were already open and he was looking right at me.  He didn’t cry right away, but a lady came over to assess him and he was totally fine! Completely healthy and beautiful.

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Alex cut the cord and we were in awe. We both couldn’t believe that he was here and I was able to have a vaginal delivery. After about an hour he was nursing, happy and content.

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After the two hours they weighed him and did all their checks. 7 pounds 9 ounces of pure perfection. My mom and sister were then able to come in and meet Henry. Such a surreal moment!

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My birth story isn’t anything like what I thought it would be. But, my son is here, he’s healthy and we beat all the odds. It may not have been exactly what I wanted but I’m so thankful for the amazing team of people I had around me. I honestly think if I had any other nurse I would had had to have a cesarean.

My doctor later told me I was her “success story of the year” which was pretty awesome to hear. False labor for almost a week. My water breaking with meconium. Hitting a low by having to get an epidural. Being terrified watching my baby’s heart rate drop. Finding out the cord was around his neck twice. Basically a long list of things I never expected to happen.

But they brought me Henry. My smiley, perfect, healthy little man. I would go through all of it again, a million times for him.

Henry

Today, you are five weeks old. You smile constantly and really hate having gas. I think you may be the only baby in the world who enjoys having a diaper change. Your favorite place to sleep in as close to me as possible and you sometimes sleep 5(!!!) hours straight. You recently found your thumb and it’s the cutest thing ever. You love daddy’s funny faces and you’ve started trying to do them back to him. I swear your eyelashes grow longer everyday.
I can see you growing right before my eyes. You are so loved. I hope you feel that every single day.

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Breastfeeding

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To put it simply, breastfeeding is hard. I envisioned myself while I was pregnant as breastfeeding beautifully with a huge supply leftover in my refrigerator so I could take luxurious naps and we would always have extra milk.

I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who can do this and I may be able to some day but the first couple of weeks, I couldn’t. I remember it took about a week for my milk to come in and when it did it came in slow and I never felt like Henry was getting enough. We would nurse and nurse and nurse and he would just cry and I felt helpless. I would read countless forums and websites telling me that the first two weeks were the hardest and I just had to make it over that hurdle. I talked to so many different people and they all told me Henry was fine but I never felt sure of myself. He was having plenty of wet diapers but not many dirty diapers and he was sometimes going three days In between them. Everyone would tell me this was normal but Henry would be so uncomfortable that it always made me uneasy. I would sometimes nurse him and cry to Alex that I was failing and I couldn’t handle it. I felt so lost and helpless. I wanted to breastfeed so badly and I couldn’t let myself give it up.

So, I didn’t. I let him nurse. And nurse. And nurse. Sometimes it felt like the entire day was spent nursing and that was okay. I tried to keep my spirits up about it and I kept fighting for it.

Then at week three, I had milk. Henry could eat and was satisfied after 30 minutes or so and the dirty diapers started happening more frequently. I had a lactation consultant come over just for a final “everything’s fine” kind of meeting and Henry had gained a pound and 2 ounces in two weeks which is amazing progress.

I felt so much relief. For the first time since Henry was born I had faith in myself. The best way breastfeeding was described to me was that it takes 85% determination and 15% ability which makes total sense.

I had to fight for my milk, a fight I never thought I would have. I’m writing this because I feel like there’s a whole other side to breastfeeding that’s hardly talked about. I feel like so many women give it up because it seems too hard but they just don’t have the support or answers they should.

Breastfeeding used to be the most terrifying and stressful thing I did and now it’s one of the best and most satisfying. I get to feed my son the way I always dreamed of doing and it’s amazing feeling.

 

A few breastfeeding tips I learned that basically saved me and I wish I knew prior to having Henry:

Let him nurse. And nurse. And nurse. It will basically feel like the only thing you do in the beginning but it helps establish your milk supply so it’s a good thing. For us we spent a few days in bed, doing nothing but breastfeeding and skin to skin. It was definitely hard but also some of the best few days of us figuring each other out.

Water is your milk supply. I’ve noticed a definite difference in my milk if I had a lot to drink that day or not enough.
Don’t read forums. It’s just moms going back and forth on what worked for them and what didn’t and that doesn’t necessarily mean those things will work for you. Go straight to the source. Kellymom and La Leche League were the best places for me to get good advice.

Talk to someone. Breastfeeding is hard because you’re the only one who can do it and that feeling can be deeply overwhelming. I talked to everyone I could about breastfeeding gaining as much information as possible and comforting myself. I would also talk to Alex about all my concerns which really helped because he could put things in a different perspective that I may not have realized.

Get support. If you feel like something is wrong or you’re just unsure of how things are going, make an appointment with someone who specializes in breastfeeding. Hospitals have great resources and most pediatrician offices have lactation consultants on their staff. There are also lactation consultants out there who you can call or will come to you directly.

Don’t let yourself drown. It’s hard. Sometimes it’s a fight to keep your head above water but it’s so worth it. During week two I could have easily given up and just given Henry a bottle of formula. It would have been so easy and the thought crossed my mind way too many times. But I’m so thankful I pushed through because I’m so happy with where I am now.

It gets easier. It does. It may not seem like it but your body does figure it out and your milk supply evens itself out. It takes 6-8 weeks for your milk supply to be established and I’m not even there yet but I finally feel like I’m on the right track.

Enjoy it. When we were fighting for milk, sometimes it started to feel like a chore instead of it being a bonding experience between me and my baby and I hated that feeling. It was so easy to get wrapped up in my insecurities that I was forgetting to see the big picture. He will never be this little again. It was such a better experience for us when I remembered to take a step back and remind myself what it was I was actually doing.

 

Women are absolutely amazing. We grow this this person, birth them and then can sustain them with Just our bodies. I have such a bigger appreciation for women after going through this amazing journey.
Just know that with breastfeeding, you are not alone. It may feel that way but there are always people out there to talk to and to help.
I hope to do updates on this subject because I feel it’s something that is constantly changing and evolving. If you have any questions or just need someone to talk to, I’m all ears! This has easily become one of my favorite subjects because of how passionately I feel about it. Never be afraid to talk to someone or to ask a “stupid” question. I’ve asked handfuls of people plenty of questions I thought were silly and they never treated them that way.
Breastfeeding is absolutely beautiful. But it sometimes takes work and can be extremely stressful to come out on the other side. But I can almost guarantee that all the women that do don’t regret how hard they had to work for it. I know I don’t.

One Month With Henry

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Like every mother says, I can’t believe Henry is one month old. This month felt so fast but also so extremely slow. We definitely had some up hill battles but now at the one month mark I am feeling really good.
The first week of Henry’s life was easily one of the most stressful yet amazing weeks of my life. We left the hospital the day after he was born feeling amazing. He was at birth weight when we left the hospital, his latch was great, and he was perfectly healthy. On top of that I was feeling fantastic.

 

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I definitely had some ups and down the first couple of weeks. I really felt like I was having troubles with my breast milk and would get so discouraged thinking he wasn’t eating enough. He gained a pound from his one week to two weeks so that definitely made me feel better but at around three and a half weeks I started feeling down about it again and saw a lactation consultant to really make sure he was fine and I was doing everything right. Turns out Henry just really likes to be nursing and we are doing everything perfect. I felt so much weight come off my shoulders. I definitely feel like breastfeeding is one of the hardest most rewarding things I have ever done and I plan to do a more in depth post about this soon.

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I plan to do one of these posts every month to help keep everyone updated and also a place to remember! Everything happens so fast and I don’t want to forget a single moment.

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Height/Weight:

Henry was 21 inches at birth and although we don’t have another check up until hes two month I can definitely tell he has grown! His legs don’t fit into any of our newborn sleepers any more!

He now weights 9 pounds 6 ounces. He weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces at birth and 8 pounds 6 ounces at his 2 week check up so I would definitely say we are on the right track!

Sleeping/Feeding:

Henry does this amazing thing where at around seven, hes ready for bed. He eats, falls asleep and will normally sleep until around 10. Wakes up, eats and falls back to sleep. Does this every 2-5 hours through the night until around 10 or so. It’s amazing! He still sleeps a bit during the day as well, but only if someone is holding him so its only about an hour or so.

He’s been eating like a champ. 100% breastmilk. Some days his gas really bothers him and the only thing that comforts him is nursing so I feel like we spend a lot of time doing that, which I don’t mind. We seem to be past the 3 week growth spurt and hes been back to cycling feeding. Normally every 1-3 hours during the day with a pretty constant need to be on me from 5-7. Like I mentioned prior, I really felt like we weren’t doing great with breastfeeding so to be in this good place now is such an amazing feeling.

Likes:

Looking out the window, getting kisses, baths, standing, looking at the string lights in our living room, me wearing him, being held(constantly), sleeping on daddy, and riding in the car.

Dislikes:

Anything we have to put him down in- stroller, swing, bassinet. Does not care for any of it(besides the car seat) Also doesn’t like being hungry, having gas, pacifiers and being cold.

Wears:

Mostly 0-3 months stuff now. He still fits into some newborn things but is too tall for the sleepers. He’s also still too small for a lot of the 0-3 month one pieces so he wears a lot of onesies and pants. We’re also trying to switch to his cloth diapers, its still a work in process so we will see how it goes!

Some Milestones:

-Had his first bath at 12 days old.

-Lost his umbilical cord at 6 days old.

-Started really smiling at around three weeks and now he doesn’t stop!

-Can lift his head like a champ.

-Has rolled over once, but it was on the bed and kind of seemed like an accident. Oh well, it counts.

-Has started cooing and making more sounds.

-Went on his first walk during his third week of life.

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I can’t believe its been a month. I love watching him grow and love him so much!

Henry Alexander

On January 16th at 4:57 p.m. We welcomed a baby boy! 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 21 inches long. Both me and the baby are healthy and Alex and I are settling into our new life. The birth was definitely s whirlwind and I expect to share some of the story soon but for now we’re trying to focus on sweet Henry as much as possible! Thank you to everyone that has reached out, our hearts are so full!

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37 weeks

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Whew. It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I’ve been wanting to update here, but I was waiting for some good news. I went to the doctors two weeks ago and my blood pressure was high so I had to do a 24 hour urine test. My doctor didn’t seem too concerned, since my urine test that day came back negative. Well, two days later the results came back and the proteins in my urine was high. Which is a sign for preeclampsia. I was quickly scheduled for baby monitoring, ultrasounds, blood work and more urine tests. Talk of an induction date was happening and I was starting to get really worried. Like I have mentioned before, Alex and I really wanted a natural birth. We’ve taken the classes and read all the books and really feel ready to handle this drug free. I felt so down about the thought of an induction, and even more so knowing it ups the chances for a c-section 50%.
When I went back to the doctor we did the baby monitoring and he looked great. Exactly where he should be and responding perfectly. I was ordered to do another 24 hour urine test, blood work and an ultrasound. My doctor said I was only two milligrams over the limit for the proteins in my urine and she thought maybe I was just dehydrated when I took the test. We started thinking I had just received two false negatives in a row but we really wanted to rule out preeclampsia. So off to the lab I went.
On Friday morning I dropped off my test and headed for the ultrasound. Everything looked good, but we had to wait to hear from our doctor. That afternoon I got a call that my proteins were fine, my blood work was great and baby looked perfect. I no longer had to have two doctor visits a week. Also, on the scale they use from 1-8 to let you know how baby is doing he was an 8. Also weighing in at 6 pounds, 11 ounces. Exactly where he should be.
I cried. I have been so stressed and worried there was something wrong. Of course if there was, we would have done what we needed to do to keep baby safe. That was really the top priority. I started to come to terms with being induced only because i want him here and healthy and I would do whatever it takes to make that happen.
But I’m so happy I may still get a chance to let him and my body decide when he wants to come, which is such a relief.
Last night I slept 9 hours straight for the first time in weeks and it was the most glorious thing that could have happened! My hat is off to women who have high risk pregnancies from the beginnings and constantly have to deal with the tests, monitoring and worrying. Things have been really easy up until this point so I can’t even imagine what it must be like to go through this the whole time.
I’m so glad baby is okay, I’m okay.
In other news, I feel like we have everything ready for his big arrival. Which I never thought I would say and I feel crazy relieved.
We’re still working on his space, which I plan to share pictures of when we’re all done.

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We’re trying to get ready for Christmas but are totally unprepared after what we’ve been dealing with the last couple of weeks. We at least have a tree! We’re planning on doing some shopping this weekend, better late then never right?

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I know I mentioned it in my last post but it needs to be said again that Alex is a magical human being. Not only has he been able to go to every single one of my appointments he’s been such a comforting source. Always trying to keep me calm when I would spend too much time worrying about the “what-ifs”.
It’s also the busiest time of the year for his company so on top of all this he’s been working like crazy. I can’t say enough good things about the man I married. And I’m so thankful I have him, especially when I need help putting on my shoes. :)

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Playing Catch up

Hey, Hi, Hello. I’m just going to go ahead and say it- this last month has been extremely hard. It’s been something I’ve had a really hard time talking about so I’m just going to go ahead and say it. We had to rehome Oscar.

Never in a million years did I think I would ever type that sentence. It happened two weeks ago and I’m still in shock. A month ago, he bit Alex multiple times when we were trying to take him outside. He had been really testing us in the weeks prior to that- peeing on our bed, growling at me and then when he bit Alex we knew we had to do something. If it was just Alex and I to think about we would have somehow figured out something to do but with a baby on the way I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to our son. This was not an easy decision. I spent days crying and holding Oscar before the day finally came to give him away. In a word, I’m devastated. Oscar was my baby. I saved him three years ago from a terrible shelter but it always kind of felt like he saved me. It pains me that my son will grow up without him, after months of dreaming what the two of them would be like together. I’m trying my best to be strong, hold myself together but it definitely hasn’t been easy.

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Oscar, I will miss you and love you always.

Aside from that, I am now 34 weeks along. I can’t even believe it. We have been so busy, with birthing classes, hospital tours, doctors appointments and trying to get last minute details ready for the baby. We took a 4 weeks birthing class that ended this last week which we found really helpful. There is never a way to fully prepare for birth but its nice having useful information that at least makes me feel like I have some control over the situation. Some being the operative word.

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My doctors appointments have been going extremely well and baby is perfect. I can’t believe how close we are! He kicks like crazy and it’s been so fun for Alex and I to feel and watch. It’s going to be so weird when he is here and I can’t feel him kicking me anymore.

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Is there anything better than baby laundry? I feel like I’m up to my ears in it but I definitely don’t mind. Each piece is somehow more adorable than the last. We are still trying to decide on a coming home outfit, but I have some ideas!

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My sister and I entered a Instagram contest a few weeks ago and to my total surprise- we won! I was given a giftcard to Baby JIves, which is a company that makes these extremely dreamy and amazing mobiles. I honestly knew I wanted one of these before I was even pregnant so I was so excited to win! We have been working on baby’s space and plan to share pictures soon!

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Here’s a picture of the two of us one night after birthing class. I can’t express how lucky I am to be going through all things pregnancy related with this guy. He is at every single one of my doctors appointments, asks questions, practices breathing techniques with me(better than me!?), massages my back, and is just generally the best possible person to have around. He has been my rock when things have gotten hard and I can’t say enough good things about him.  I seriously can’t wait to see him be a day.

So, that’s been our month. Definitely a whirlwind. I will try to check in on here more in the upcoming weeks. This belly is definitely becoming a sight to see!